Ever since I was pregnant and strangers started asking if I was having a boy or girl, the comments began. “Oh, you’re having a girl? She’s going to be soooooo spoiled.” they laughed. Apparently little girls can do and get whatever they want, and I had no say in the matter. I’d smile and reply “She’s already so blessed. We’re really excited.” We’re fortunate to have many friends and family members who care so much about our sweet love, but to say that she’s automatically in the running to…well…run everything couldn’t be further from the truth. 

“She’s crying because she’s spoiled.”

“If you hold her too much, she’s going to be spoiled.”

“You pick her up every time she cries? Well, that’s why she’s spoiled.”

“Why doesn’t she want me to hold her? Oh, she thinks she’s running things.”

Nope, nope, nope, and nope. Babies cry because they can’t communicate. They find security in being held. It’s not the end of the world to comfort them. When they’re around new people, they need time to adjust. My daughter is 16 months old now, and those statements are still true.

We went to a family member’s home recently. Petra hadn’t seen her in a long time, so she’ didn’t remember her. We spent a few hours there, and after a barrage of unwarranted advice of “She’s just gonna have to cry it out. Y’all are new parents, but you’ll learn.” as well as a lot of you shouldn’t do and you should do, I was looking at my husband with a “I love these people, but you gotta get me outta here” expression.

We left and I told my mommy friends about the experience. They chimed in saying “Yeah, people love to tell you your child is spoiled!” I had no idea they were dealing with the same comments, and that was a relief to hear. Doing what comes naturally is what I’ve been keen on since Petra was born. I take advice from other parents, doctors, and research and I adjust it to fit my parenting style.

There’s nothing wrong with taking a sanity break. You know, when your newborn has been crying for hours and you just need some time to refresh. However, if someone advises you that you can’t be bothered with every whim and emotion a baby has, I would just say that you have to do what works for you. It kills me to see my daughter cry. Like, literally breaks my heart. Even if she continues to cry because she’s teething or sick, having her in the comfort of my arms helps me to feel that I’m helping her come to terms with this world over time.

Hug your baby, kiss your baby, pick them up, carry them everywhere if you want.

We are not a fan of buying her everything, and we definitely have discipline in place so that she won’t be a spoiled monster. (You’re welcome.) However, I hardly ever give up the opportunity to cover her in tickles and rock her to sleep. Our daughter is blessed to have the unconditional love of a mother and father. Having someone attentive to her as she discovers new things and faces emotions she’s never felt is an amazing gift that not every baby has. Who am I or anyone else to try to take that away?

I’ve come across some useful information for those who have a similar parenting style as I do. I’ll add links to that at the bottom of the article. I’m in no way shaming other parents if you choose to raise your children differently. I’m mainly speaking to those who get criticism for the choices they make in “spoiling” their kids. I hope this helps.

So, that’s that for now.  Be blessed and take time to make your dreams into your reality.

-Kytia L’amour

Why it’s important to meet baby’s needs.

Can you really spoil a baby?

Creating a secure attachment with your baby.